no one

What is it that makes me feel a lump in my throat when I'm sad--as if I've swallowed something that won't go down? Is it physical symbolism, my body playing an uncomfortable game of charades? Is it trying to make me see the pain as if I hadn't noticed it before? Look body, I get it, I'm not foolish and blind, just foolish. I think at times I'm invincible. I believe the lie I told myself as a child. I kid myself, revert back to the blanket sucking boy who could dissolve into the heavy pile carpet of his parents home, but I cant any more. I get it. I hurt. But let me ask you this, why can't I feel sorry for the man I am. I feel for others when they're sad. I care for them when they regret. Why do I feel like I'm about to leave this earth as a failure, and why won't this lump in my throat go away? I wish I had my kids with me tonight--small hands have a way with loosening the muscles in the throat.