One Hundred Ninety-Two

Not to be so wishy-washy, but your letter threw six stitches and some crazy glue on my heart. I was kinda wishing you'd sneak over for a good night kiss though.

One Hundred Ninety-One

So where do I start, with the anger, the hurt, the fear? Why don't I begin with the letter of amends I sent to your friend--whom I passively threatened. How do you think that felt, having to apologize for my inappropriate reaction to having my heart crushed. You lost respect for me, you turned your back on me, and you rejected the love I tried to give you. I hurt, but I need to see you as something other than an attacker. I need to see you as sick and not vindictive. I need to see you as a woman who hurt as she was hurt, and I need to see myself as something more than victim, something more than a little boy who doesn't deserve to be loved. I guess I should start with that, I deserve to be loved.

One Hundred Ninety

"Please, don't hurt me again."

One Hundred Eighty-Nine

It's rare, but I do it, I forget to post, and I forget that my goal is to be loved, as to love. (excuse the punctuation my copy editor is a bit nutty)

One Hundred Eighty-Eight

So I've decided to stay as long as you need me--a hired gun backing your play against a ruthless disease. So what do you need, do you want me to lay down a stream of bullets so you can make an escape, or do you want me to stand behind you--only jumping in if they gang up on you? I'd take a slug for you sweetheart, and maybe thats a misguided commitment, but I love you, and you're worth it.

One Hundred Eighty-Seven

Hows it feel? Is it good for you, hurting me like this? I bet your friends would be proud. "He's a 6'3 heterosexual male with a full head of hair, lets get him."

One Hundred Eighty-Six

I wonder if having the ability to instantly remove fear and anger would help me? Sometimes maybe, but I think it makes me stronger to hurt, and being weak, if I could shut the pain off, I think I'd do it before I could grow. I'm furious right now. I want to strike out for what you've done. I want to hurt you like you hurt me, but I won't, so I give myself a time-out, and I'll let the pain tear my insides up, and you'll continue having a good time oblivious to the damage you've done.