The Unclarity of Fought

I need better words, words that mean exactly what they say they are. For instance,I've told you to "fuck-off," in play, and I've said "goodbye," as you were heading out the door to the market, but I could have used both of those words at other times, times that weren't so fun. Maybe it's my fault, maybe I should reserve certain words for the exact moment and situation that I need them for,and just maybe I will keep the word I use for you, such as your name, separate from the word I use for a certain body part of yours that I at times enjoy.

Okay then...

It's simple really, destroying self so you can start a new life in the same body. Ask anybody, I'm sure they can share the secret of regeneration with you.

A Fall Day in Spring

Whether it's the grey misty morning, or the remnants of smoke-drifting beach fires following me down the highway, the air and the day, is definitely a time of Fall that mistakenly, or on purpose, stumbled into Spring. And I welcome it, the slow introduction to winter has always been my favorite, a time for meditation and walks alone, a time for healthy solitude. I plan on drifting towards the pier this morning, sitting alone on one of the cold cement benches that have been graciously planted there for this sort of thing, and I will reach down into the house of the spirit and pull forth whatever it offers me....

Country Rock Damage and Another Day

So, I've been listening obsessively to 'Hot Burrito #2' and I still hate Country Rock, but I love the melody to this song and nothing I've heard (including Dinosaur Jr's awful hipster rendition) comes close to how beautiful the original is. On another note, I'm on day three without sugar and I felt great this morning. I'm finally starting to really dig what the black militants have been saying for years, "Fuck the White Devil!"

From White, to Anger, to Confusion, to Hurt...

Once more I seek to separate you from my body, and even though I've failed so many times before, I need to start somewhere. A first day, right? I was angry this morning and I had no long fuse for the basic day-to-day bullshit that I can normally handle. And tonight? Well, tonight I'm just fucking confused and delirious. This shit should be outlawed, lynched, and its ashes scattered to the wind.I can't wait until the real White Devil is out for good...at least, I think I want that...don't I?

A Moment of Mine

I reached for my camera this morning--the sky, grey white blue smoke filled space. I put the view finder to my eye and was about to fire, when I realized the shot was weak, not enough, not conveying the true moment. How could I transfer what the wind felt like, the ground, the way the grey morning air smelled? It was impossible, and frustrating, but before I walked away, I stood immersed in it, in all of it, and I shared it with myself--the only person there who could appreciate and know what it was like to really be alone.

And if I act...

What madness is it to expect a man to trust and believe you when all you've ever done is lie? And when you have your partner swinging from the gibbet of your words can you possibly think he wouldn't try to claw and pull himself up as if to save his own life? And whether you had an ax, poison, or a gun behind your back,how can you fault the condemned man from desperately grabbing at the instrument of his destruction? And wait, here's were my confusion is at its greatest, did I hear you say,'you were assaulted,' when he fought to break free?